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The newest dark
Who I Am
My kids
Heartbroken- Kayden's Page
Abuse Poems And Stories
When things seem hopeless
Clown's Face
True Love
Battle Between the Light and Dark
No Means No
My Light Side ..... Love and Laughter and Light
My Dark Thoughts/Poetry......... Enter My Mind
My Dark Thoughts and Poetry..... Digging Deeper
Deeper Into The Dark
About my friends
Pictures Of Family And Friends
A mixture of Recent Poems.. poems that still need to be "classified"
The newest dark
Poems I Wrote Years Ago...... A Mixture
Ramblings....... Thoughts..............Views
MEMORIES ........
Shattered Dreams,Broken Promises.
Music..... something very important to me

Even tho I still battle the dark, and try to find my way into the light, I still falter, I still stumble and fall. I still feel the dark within my soul, pulling at me, trying to hold me under.

people always say
trust in me
lean on me
I'll be there for you
But when push comes to shove
when you need someone the most
no one is there
No one can hear the cries
reaching out for help
no one really cares
so alone so lost
so scared and confused
But it doesn't really matter
Why is it that
people who say they love us
are the ones who hurt us the most
make us cry
ache so deep inside
I can't take this anymore
cry so many tears
feeling so lost and alone
I know this feeling oh so well
A fight in my mind, a living hell
It's been a part of me for so long
A war for where it is I belong
I hear it constantly every night
The voices within my head, they fight
The images of so much I could do
To escape this hell I'm going thru
I try to fight thiis feeling that's within
but it's a battle I'm scared I'm not going to win
It beckons to me, enticing me near
Driving me insane, bringing me to tears
A battle between the dark and light
So confusing, I'm losing sight
Of everything I thought was me
I need help, but noone can see
The dark thoughts within my head
the ones where I dream of being dead
I think of ways I could end it all
Everytime I start to feel this way, when i fall
I try to run, but there's no where to go
This is the world I wish I didn't know
I'm so scared of not winning this war
sometimes, i wonder, what the hell I'm even fighting for
So scared, crying inside

Fighting to win this battle in my head
So scared of what is to be
How can I win this war i'm fighting in my mind
voices screaming so loud I lose my mind
images so intense, i cry
I hear it, the call, i thought I left in my past
How long can I take this before i give in
I dont know how to get thru this again
Ths battle between living and dying
I'm scared, I dont know what to do
Is there anywhere to turn
To escape this raging war within
Im trying to fight it, I'm trying so hard

The arms of death
Are open wide
waiting for me
To step into
it's loving embrace
Its always there
waiting, begging for me
to give in, to welcome it
embrace it
as it wishes to embrace me
To give in
would be so simple
An escape from the confusion
I feel inside
No more hurt,
No more pain
No more confusion
Or conflct within
Is what it promises me
Waiting there for me
Like an old friend

can you hear it?
the silent cry for help
my plea for someone to see
How i feel inside
How scared I am
can you see?
right thru the face I paint on
to try to hide
the dark within
Do you know?
How close I am
to giving in
to the feelings I have
Why can't i say the words?
that are screaming in my head
to reach out for the help i need
I'm so scared
Don't you know?
that I just dont want this anymore
So lost in this world,struggling to find my place
Fighting to live,but it's death my mind seems to embrace
Thoughts constantly running out of control through my mind
Onward I struggle,Weary of what I will next find
Am I to always hurt,be lost and scared,Never belong
The way I feel,the way things are,is it right or wrong
Cry so much,it feels like my battered heart will break
Hurt so much,Lost in this feeling,this bitterness,this ache
How much more can I take before I can't take it anymore
How much heartbreak and broken dreams can a person endure
Do I matter in the grand scheme of things or not
I don't know what to think,who I am,It's something I've forgot
How do I take the way I feel day after day inside
How do I stay here,when all I feel is alone,From pain I can't hide
How do I know what I should feel,what I should do
The intensity of my confusion,The extent,I never knew
That it was possible to to hurt this way,to this extreme
Feel alone,crushed and broken hopes and dreams
Is it worth the struggle,to fight and stay
When my hopes and desires,dreams go unfullfilled, destroyed, everyday
Stay and fight or give up and let go
Which do I do,how do I know
Used to be that I had hope and dreams
But nothing is ever like it seems
In life I found inspiration
Lived my life,used my imagination
But as years passed I lost them all
Tired of being alone feeling like i always fall
No one ever there to catch me
To bring me back to where i should be
Never belong with people never fit in
Always struggling with pains deep within
Sorrow and pain, are two things I know oh so well
Sometimes my life can be such a living hell
Confusion, and unhappiness seem to dwell
these feelings, why can't I expell
them from my tormented mind
Something always there to remind
me that I'm so confined
To my inner pain I wish I was blind
But it's always right there
despite this smile I try to wear
I always feel this despair
that I'm too scared to share
Why is life the way it has been
Life constantly changing makes my head spin
This war within I feel I can't win
I wouldn't even know where to begin

can anyone save me from the pain
that I feel is driving me insane
Feel like I'm held down by a chain
Within my mind ,that i view with distain
Am I always going to live my life this way
Hating to deal with yet another day
where I fight myself over all i do and say
Afraid to allow myself to drop this happy act I display
Will I ever feel like I'm worth anything at all
that I'm worth catching when I fall
Will anyone hear my silent call
Or will I keep feeling unimportant, small

This is how I feel deep inside
All the tears and heartache I've cried.
Feelings I've felt that I've left unspoken, denied
the thoughts I have a hard time to ever confide
And I don't know how to make them disappear
Don't know how to let go of my fear
So other people I try to make happy, to cheer
And give my all, with love that's sincere
I wish I could just wake up and life will be fine
that these feelings will no longer be mine
that I will finally come out of my shell and shine
But for now, to the way I feel, I feel resigned.

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