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Who I Am
My kids
Heartbroken- Kayden's Page
Abuse Poems And Stories
When things seem hopeless
Clown's Face
True Love
Battle Between the Light and Dark
No Means No
My Light Side ..... Love and Laughter and Light
My Dark Thoughts/Poetry......... Enter My Mind
My Dark Thoughts and Poetry..... Digging Deeper
Deeper Into The Dark
About my friends
Pictures Of Family And Friends
A mixture of Recent Poems.. poems that still need to be "classified"
The newest dark
Poems I Wrote Years Ago...... A Mixture
Ramblings....... Thoughts..............Views
MEMORIES ........
Shattered Dreams,Broken Promises.
Music..... something very important to me
My Dark Thoughts and Poetry..... Digging Deeper

The dark ..... not a pretty place to be .... thoughts always running through my head,tormenting my soul..... the dark overwhelmes me,consumes me.Is there an escape... or am I forever destined to be lost in my mind,lost in the dark.


Beyond words
Nothing works
Pull your hair out
In pure frustration
Go insane
Lose your mind
Can't stop
Can't calm down
Can't make it go away
Go off
Can't help yourself
Strike out
To hurt those you love
Don't want to
Hate to
But have to
Can't stop
Can't control yourself
Say and do things
You dont mean
Inflict as much hurt and pain
As you can
Wish to die
To escape
This frustration
This insanity


Beyond comprehension
Beyond any words
Can not think
Can't form a coherent sentence
Or though
Try to work it out
Try to get past this
But are unable to
Try to forget
To move on
But can not
Wonder why
This pain is inflicted
Day after day
Year after year
Never understand
Try as hard
As you can
Yet it makes no sense
No words can describe
The utter frustration
This causes
Just wish and dream
Of a day
When these feelings
Are no longer
When these emotions
Don't run rampede
But hold onto no hope
That this day will ever come

Confusion fills my head
Torments my soul
Can't figure out how I feel
What is wrong
A feeling of helplessness overwhelmes me
Of pure and utter despair
Hopelessness,pain,anger,fill my head
Grief beyond words
Anguish washes over me,throughout me
Torture myself with self hatred
Self reprimends,self loathing
Can not comprehend why I feel this way
Can not pull myself out of this pit of despair
Wish it all to end,to give up,give in
To the release death offers me
To the darkness I am so familiar with
See no point in even trying anymore
In fighting these feelings running rampede in my mind
In denying what is meant to be
In what should have happened long ago
Why even try anymore when nothing goes right
When no matter what something always happens
To shatter the illusion of happy ever after
Shatter the dreams of happiness and love
Why go on when its pointless
I can not change the path destiny has chosen
Its a losing battle
So why even try anymore


close your eyes
images replay in your mind
over and over again
feel the pain, the hurt
see it happen again
feel it all
can't escape,can't wake up
feel the terror
feel the helplessness
each time your eyes close
feels so real
never fades away
sleep becomes the enemy
too afraid to close your eyes
images so scary
so deep, so intense
knowing that you can't get away
no changing, no going back
no escaping
close your eyes
it happens again
never ending pain
never ending nightmares
close your eyes
feel it
experience it
time and time again
so vivid so real
so terrifying
close your eyes
get lost in your memories
lost in the images
lost in the nightmares


consumed with horror
unable to move
unable to breathe
unable to go on
scarred inside
emotions run wild
thoughts curse thru my head
thoughts of fear
thoughts of pure and utter terror
thoughts of pain and sorrow
nightmares that follow where ever you go
whatever you do
the nightmares, the memories
always there
always to be remembered
never able to let go
to forget to forgive
always there ready to take over
to take possession of body, mind, and soul
never letting go
relentless ruthless
never a break
no time away
never a rest
never a chance to heal
always there always haunting
always ready to pounce
to take over to take control
never a moments peace
never a way to escape


so strong
it consumes me
overwhelmes me
frightens me
try to fight
to escape
there is none
im helpless
cant run
cant hide
cant get away
washes over me
takes possession
of my body and soul
try to block it out
try to forget
but i cant escape
stuck in reality
in what is happening
so deeply
so hard
i want
to get away
make him stop
but i cant
cant get away
cant do a thing
not a freaking thing
to get away
to protect myself
once again
i let myself
get hurt
the terror returns

I see death
the way others see life
I welcome death
The way others welcome life
I embrace death
Crave it
The way others do with life
Thousands of voices
Screaming in my mind
Teasing me,taunting me
Daring me
Millions of thoughts
Race through my head
So fast,I can not take them all in
I cry with frustration
Wanting them to stop
Wishing them gone
But they are always there
Always screaming,always yelling
I stare at death
Straight in the eye
And beg for it to take me
To finally claim me for its own
To end this torment
End this pain
Stop playing with my mind
And bring me the release I crave
The release I desire
The release I will soon achieve

I wish I knew
How life ever got this way
So messed up and confusing
So scary so frightening
MIss the days
When life was so simple
When problems were small
When life was simpler
When hurt and pain did not reign supreme
As I look back,reflecting,pondering
I realize how simple things really were
And miss those days of freedom
Of happiness,of joy
Biggest worry was 'will he ask me out'
'Did I get an A'
'is my hair perfect,do my clothes match'
Then as the years pass by
And grow from childhood to youth
Then to adulthood
Things change,issues grow
Problems become more severe
Issues that used to be so big
Are now nothing compared to the struggles
Life throws at me
Try to get past all the obsticles
Try to get past the anguish in my mind
That torments my soul
And wish for simpler times
Wish to heal


cut like a knife
tear thru my heart
shred it
into tiny litte pieces
feel so small
so unloved
ao alone
cause damage
hurt inside
inflict pain
said in anger
in frustration
tear thru me
destroy me
used like weapons
used to hurt
make me hurt
feel down
can never be
taken back
and forever
into my heart


so deep
so intense
so strong
so consuming
so filled with fury
look in the mirror
and know
you have made mistakes
chosen wrong paths
veered off course
look in the mirror
see what a mess youve made
so strong
so filled with venom
wanting to die
you caused this
you said
or did something
knowing you were wrong
wanting to kill
wanting to give up
stop trying
for yourself
so filled with hate


you want to scream
you want to run
you want to move
but you freeze
cant move
cant breathe
cant escape
you want to scream
no sound comes out
stunned, shocked
wanting to get away
but unable to move
you cant fight
you cant escape
you let it happen
knowing you should fight
knowing you should run
you should scream
feel so helpless, so hopeless
you try to beg, to plead
but are frozen in fear
knowing it is wrong
knowing what is going to happen
but not able to do anything about it
feel so scared, so utterly helpless
you just let it happen
let him take control
so scared so frozen