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Deeper Into The Dark
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Many of my thoughts,and feelings are of the Dark ....... most of my poetry comes from the darkness within the depths of my soul.The torments of my mind.The prison of my thoughts and feelings.


A feeling of loss
Indescribable grief
Washes over me
Consumes me
Cry so many tears
A sense of loss
Of pain,of anger
Takes over my soul
And I ask myself why
I ask myself how
And I try to come to terms
With the pain and confusion
Grief and loss
Struggle to come to grips
Find an end to the tears
Question all around
Look at the world as it continues on
As life goes on
Yet mine stops
Stuck in a moment
Of grief and misery
Pain and disbelief
Ask why as tears flow freely
As pain overtakes me
Overwhelmes me


.Voices screaming in my head
Taking control of my mind
Laying claim on my soul
The dark beckons to me
Calling to me,enticing me
The voices calling so loud
Drowning out all else
All I can see or hear,feel
Is the darkness
Welcoming me,needing me
Urging me to join it
Offering a safe haven
Lost,and scared
Unsure how to fight
This battle for my mind
Unaware of right or wrong
Good or bad
What way to go
What to do
Feel out of control
At a loss

Tears roll down my face
As confusion fills my mind
Torments my soul
Cry as I try to understand
Try to make sense
Of all I feel
All I know
Wish I had the answers
To the questions plaguing my mind
Eating at my soul
Wish I knew
Wrong from right
Good from evil
Who to listen to
What path to take
But I do not
So the tears continue to flow
And the pain keeps eating away at me


I'm me
No one else
I'm the one
Who gets hurt
Over and over
Walked all over
The one
People vent on
Take their frustrations out on
I'm the one
Who looks in the mirror
And sees a lost soul
Feels hatred
Towards the woman
Staring back 
I'm the one
Who is a no one
Who messes up
Over and over again
I'm the one
Who hurts
Who can't close my eyes
For fear of 
What it is I'll see
I'm the one
Who has a chance at love
Real love
But is afraid
Of messing it up
Or losing it
I'm the one
Who can't forget
Or forgive myself
For past mistakes
Who walks down the street
Looking away
Of what may happen
To make eye contact
I'm the one
Who feels so scared
Of the simplest things
I live in fear
Everyday of my life
I'm the one
Who can't change a thing
I'm the one
Who can't protect herself


Beyond comprehenion
Beyond words
Can't think
Can't form a coherent sentence
Or thought
Try to work it out
Try to get past this
But am unable to
Try to forget
To move on
But can not
Wonder why this pain is inflicted
Day after day
Year after year
Never understand
Try as hard
As you can
Yet it makes no sense
No words can describe
The utter frustration
This causes
Just wish and dream
Of a day
When these feelings
Are no longer
When these emotions
Don't run rampede
But hold onto no hope
That that day will ever come

Feel so alone
like a candle flickering in the wind 
alone in this world
terrified of what is
and what will be
a life of desolation
a life of hurt and pain
a life of being alone to hurt
not worth love
not worth acceptence
not worth anything but death
and even death does not want me

Where do I fit in
I don't fit in anywhere
I belong no where
I belong lost,alone and scared
Never feeling as if things will be ok
In this world I live in
Want to feel accepted
But never will
I am a no one
Wandering from place to place
Seeking,needing to find a niche
But can not
I do not belong here on earth
I do not belong to death
Where is it I fit in
Why can I not fit in anywhere

Today I looked at me
Looked at my life
And could not see any point
All I do is hurt
Myself and others
All I do is fail
All I do is cause worry and pain
I am a life not worth living 
To live is a waste
To continue to pretend is wrong
So I accept what must be
For I know it to be right
I look at all I'm leaving behind
And it hurts
I think of how it could have been
And I cry
But I can not take it
I can't take the pretending
I can't take the hurt,the pain
Pretending to be someone
Decieving myself
Day in and day out
Know that the end is near
The end of being alone and unloved
An end to the hurt and pain
An end to the tears


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