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A mixture of Recent Poems.. poems that still need to be "classified"

Who I Am
My kids
Heartbroken- Kayden's Page
Abuse Poems And Stories
When things seem hopeless
Clown's Face
True Love
Battle Between the Light and Dark
No Means No
My Light Side ..... Love and Laughter and Light
My Dark Thoughts/Poetry......... Enter My Mind
My Dark Thoughts and Poetry..... Digging Deeper
Deeper Into The Dark
About my friends
Pictures Of Family And Friends
A mixture of Recent Poems.. poems that still need to be "classified"
The newest dark
Poems I Wrote Years Ago...... A Mixture
Ramblings....... Thoughts..............Views
MEMORIES ........
Shattered Dreams,Broken Promises.
Music..... something very important to me


I love to write.It's a part of who I am. Sometimes, poetry is the ONLY way that I can find the words to express the way that I am feeling. It all comes from my heart, from deep within my soul. Each word I compose, is based on the way I am feeling at that time, on the thoughts and feelings I am having.


The world around is a grim place
full of unhappiness and pain
seems to be that everyones in a race
Looking for whatever they can gain
Wars and fighting, anger and fears
Families with no home, no food to eat
Going to bed cold, their face covered with tears
No warm clothing, no decent shoes upon their feet
drug wars, shootings and fights all around
Rape, murder, incest, suicide, gang wars
Another child's body lays cold in the ground
People shot dead at their own front doors
Crying, yelling, shouting, all around innocence dying
Afraid to leave home, afraid of the war outside
the problems are growing, to fix them, no-ones really trying
But what's going on, can't be ignored, or denied
Women can't walk down the street without being afraid
That they will be raped, beaten and killed
Look at the mess of this world we've made
Dreams being undenied, unfullfilled
Unsafe to stand in your own front yard at times
Children can't play in parks without fear
thousands upon thousands of horrible crimes
A yell for help, no one seems to hear
No one wants to get involved, don't say a word
They run instead of helping too scared to lend a hand
Try to pretend nothing just occured
Some are lost in their own worlds refusing to understand
That the world around isn't a pretty place to be
People need to open their eyes, and make a change
Take a close look around, what do you see

When you need a friend
I'll be there
Till the very end
I'll always care
If you cry, I'll be your guide
To help you thru the pain
I'll always be by your side
True friends we'll always remain
When times are good
I'll laugh with you
Like a friend should
A friendship that is true
When times are bad
When you fall
When you're down and feeling sad
I'll be there for your call
And if there comes a day
When we start to drift apart
I'll be the first to say
Whatever is in my heart
I see so much in you that you can't see
I see the good you keep buried within
You punish yourself time and again
For the mistakes you made throughout life
You are so stuck in a place
Full of self hatred and reprimands
That you can't see who you really are
You think you're horrible,
That no one should care
that you're beyond help and worth nothing
I see the beauty within
I see someone who is kind
Someone who cares when others are in need
I see someone who will hold a hand
When another feels lost and alone
I see someone with so much love to give
But who doesn't know how to move on
I see the pain you keep locked inside
And the inner struggle to keep your hate alive
You refuse to see who you are
You can not see what you've become
You're someone special, someone great
Someone who many love and care for
Open your eyes and see for the first time
What so many others can see
Don't let your anger eat you inside
Don't let the Hate over mistakes made
tear you up inside
Just take a moment,
And try to see the person you are
the person you will always be
If only you let yourself free
When she looks in the mirror
She hates what she sees
Someone who isn't pretty
Someone who isn't thin
She cries so many tears
Wishing she was someone else
Tired of being judged
For the way she looks
Tired of being seen
As the girl who isn't a supermodel
She wants to crawl into a hole
And never come out
She hurts inside
But tries not to let it show
She cries deep within
But doesn't want anyone to know
It's a lonely life
She's too afraid to go and make friends
She thinks she's not worth it
She thinks she's not good enough
And can't see the beauty within
She's tired of being made fun of
She's tired of taking so much crap
She cries, wishing it would all end
Wishing to be anywhere else
Anyone else
Voices taunting her
Whereever she goes
in her heart, in her mind
And she can't take it anymore
She just wants to feel normal
Wants to feel accepted
Needs so very much to feel loved
But no one notices her
And it makes her feel helpless
so alone
She's so unhappy
But her life,
She just doesn't know how to change
At some point in life
We all get lost
We all lose our way
feel helpless, feel out of place
so full of confusion
So lost, no idea of where to go
Feel like we can't go on
That life has come to a standstill
There is no point in trying
No reason to continue on
Fall along the way
Falter as we struggle to find
The place we belong
Feel so worn out
So frustrated, so confused
So angry at not moving forward
Unable to find the path
To travel along
To take us to where we must go
It isn't easy
the inner fight
day after day after day
It's complicated and tiresome
The same thing
day in and day out
Not moving forward
Not going anywhere
Just stuck
I don't know who I am
Where I am going
My true feelings
I'm scared of showing
I try so hard
To find my way
I'm so worn out
Of this fight day after day
I wish I could find
Where I am supposed to go
Where life is taking me
Why don't I know
Whats going to happen
I feel so stuck
In a place I don't understand
I feel so lost
And I wish i could simply demand
For the answers to appear
For life to move forward as I want it to
I'm tired of feeling the way i do
When I get lost
In my fears
So consumed
by my tears
You are there for me
Picking me up
Each time i fall
Holding me
When i feel insecure
You make me smile
When i want to cry
You're my best friend
I love you
with all my heart
i always will
even when times are hard
And I push you away
I love you
and never want to lose you
what we have
you are the light
thru the dark
That guides me back
to where I belong
Back to you
Back to your arms
back to your heart
A friend

A friend is there for you thru thick and thin
Whether you're happy or sad, lose or win
A friend is there to help you thru sorrow
A friend will be there today,yesterday and tomorrow
Friends don't lie, they don't play games or hurt you
They will be there to help whatever your going thru
A friend who is true, is a friend who's willing to go the extra mile
A hug when you're sad, or just a simple smile
A friend doesn't judge you for who you are
A friend makes you happy, feel like a star
THey tell you how they feel, and they listen to your feelings too
Hurt and pain and sorrow, are things they don't put you thru
If you argue or if you fight
They are just as eager to set things right
Friends share laughs, and they share the tears
THey are someone to who you can tell your deepest fears
If your heart gets broken they will be there so fast
A real friendship is strong, it's built to last
It's not about perfection it's about caring
For your friend, and the friendship you're sharing
Its not one sided, and its not full of lies and pain
It's about supporting each other, and keeping each other sain
Friendships come, and friendships go
Some they die, and others they grow
From each friend, we take a piece with us
Whether or not they remain our friend or break our trust
Friends are there no matter what you say
Growing, blooming day after day
Mommy get this, mommy do that.
Drop everything, I can't find my hat
Mommy i'm hungry give me food please
I need a tissue, i just let out a sneeze.
Clean the house, wash the clothes
Pick up toys, wipe a nose
Solve a fight between the kids again
Call them in, it's starting to rain
Help with homework, help with chores
Say 'no' a word they all ignore
uh oh mommy i spilt my drink
Once again, the baby's diaper stinks
mommy i fell kiss it better
Make sure to pick clothes to fit the weather.
It's bathtime, i want bubbles and fight to wash my hair
When i turn around, i want my mommy there
so much to do each and every day
cook, clean, laundry, find time to play
Homework, housework, all kinds of work
Things are hectic, the house has gone beserk
But in the end it all works out.
Because being here for them is what its all about
Lately it seems we're playing some messed up game
Things aren't good anymore, will never be the same
Neither one feeling very happy anymore
The feelings have become to intense to ignore
So many misunderstandings, it seems all we do is fight
Unhappy tears, staying up all night, it doesn't seem right
Don't know how to make us right again
Losing not only a lover, but my bestfriend
words become our weapons, that always hurt
With one another we've become withdrawn and often curt
Once upon a time, everything was great
Being happy in love was our destiny, it felt like fate
We laughed, we talked, we had so much fun
Back when our relationship had just begun
Romance was always in the air
Our hearts, our feelings we would always share
From good to bad, things happened so fast
Now we are struggling to make us last
What once held us together is tearing us apart
Instead of laughter, there's sorrow in our hearts
How did things get to the way they are
Can we go back or have things come too far
Can we find a way to bring back what we had
Or are we going to stay on this rollar coaster of happy sad
I miss the way we used to be
I miss the happiness and I know you agree
I miss the laughter, I miss holding you tight
Miss making love, long into the night
The romance is fading, can we get it back
Can we sit down and talk and not feel on attack
We love one another, we know its true
But lately you feel distant from me, and me from you
We try to talk, but it ends in tears
Try to work on our sorrows, our fears
Don't want to argue anymore, don't want to cry
I hope we can work this out, if only we try
We are lovers, best friends, meant to last
Hopefully we can recapture our magic of the past.
With a smile you can tell a thousand lies
But the truth is always there in your eyes
Want people to believe your happy and carefree
Smiling that smile you want everyone to see
Your true feelings you try to hide,to others,forbidden
But still, your eyes, tell the truth you keep hidden
You can laugh and smile,try to fool those around
But in your eyes,the truth will always be found
Smile and alugh, of your happiness you talk
But always- your eyes-your words, the mock
The sadness is there, if only someone should look
Plain as day, read like an open book
Your tears- they show, even when your not crying
The pain inside that makes you feel like dieing
You can try to run from your feelings, but never can hide
The truth is always there, lurking deep inside
You've gotten so good at hiding the way you feel
That even you have a hard time knowing what is real
Afraid to let your true feelings show
Acting fake, so no one will know
But the truth is always there in your eyes
Even with your smile of a thousand lies
What do you do when your heart breaks
When your world comes crashing down
How do you mend the heartache
When your life comes undone
What do you do when the one u care for
Is the one that always makes you cry
When you feel like you can't take it anymore
And it becomes harder to deny
That it hurts when you can't get along
That your world is shattering all around
When everything just seems so wrong
And the broken pieces,just can not be found
Why can't people love me for me
Why can't they see who I am inside
Do they always see only who they want to see
Must my true self always be denied
Must I always paste a smile upon my face
To fit in wherever I go
When can my true self I embrace
When will the real me,people see,people know
Always feel like I have to be someone else
To be accepted or loved or to have friends
Constantly feel I have to deny myself
My thoughts,feelings I feel I must defend
Why is it that no matter what I do I can't fit in
Why do I feel like I don't belong
Keep my feelings trapped deep within
Try to keep from doing everything wrong
Who am I,I wish I could say
But I don't think I know anymore
I'm losing sight of myself every day
Why can't people accept me for me,instead of ignore
I'm just me,that's it,in a nutshell
If you don't like that,you can go to hell
Don't tell me who to be,what to do
Or all I'll respond with is fuck you
You don't like what I say close your ears
Who said I even wanted you to hear
If you don't like my clothes shove it up your ass
I wear what I want,when i want,I don't have to ask
Don't like my words,don't like me,I don't care
I have my opinions that I'm entitled to share
Don't want to know what I think don't ask me
Because I'll tell u,my thoughts are open and free
Got a problem,I'll listen,but don't come crying at my door
If you didn't listen,its not my problem anymore
I try to help but don't throw it in my face
Because I won't help anymore if that's the case
Don't like my attitude thats your problem,not mine
Don't give a damn,it's my thoughts,not yours to define
Tell me I'm a bitch and I'll agree
The truth is all you'll ever hear from me
 won't make promise i cant keep,I won't lie
I can't claim to be perfect and I make mistakes
All I can do is give it my all,to try
In this game of give and take
I can't say I won't mess up from time to time
That my reaction will be the wrong one
I can't promise to be someone else
Words,can be used as weapons,break a heart
Can be used,to tear your life apart
Once you say the words,once they are spoken
There's no going back,Hearts are broken
Try to say I'm sorry it was all a mistake
But all I can hear,is the sound of my heart break
Words,can't make them fade,or go away
Words,Why can't I find the words,I want to say
Want to say Forgive me,give me a try
But all I hear is the sound of your goodbye
Words can crush you,hurt,destroy you
Words,are the worse weapons,it's true
Thinking of you,Missing you
Wondering how you are now
After all we've been thru
How did we allow
Everything to get in the way
Our Friendship to end
Is there anything I can say
This gulf,to Mend
It hurts,Not knowing why
Now having you around
So often,I sit and cry
Listen to the sound
Of your voice in my memory
All the talks we had in the past
How you were there for me
How I thought It would always last
Missing you with all my heart
Don't know how to let go
Feels strange,Being apart
Wish I understood,I could know
If I told you I love you
What would you say
Would you say you love me
Or would you walk away
Do I tell you
Or do I keep it to myself
What should I do
About these feelings I have
The words are so simple
So easily said
But dare  I speak
The words running thru my head
I wish I could tell you
What it is I feel
But I'm too afraid to
Speak the words I long to say
I start to say them
But no words come out
I really wish I could
Say what my heart's begun to shout
The words that are etched in my heart
Filling up my mind
Feelings that tear me apart
Causing so much pain
It's a  secret,I don't think I'll tell
Words that will stay within me
I wish I could say them
Wish that we could be
But its a dream that won't come true
Wishes that remain unheard
I wish I could say I love you
But It's too hard
So,I'll just keep it to myself


It's taken a while but I am finally there

At a point I can accept you truly care

Accept that you will not walk away

That you're here in my life to stay

Nothing I do or say can make you go

This knowledge is something I finally know

Through my darkest days you've been here

Doing your best to help me conquer each fear

Youve made me laugh, you've made me cry

Your friendship has never been a lie

Weve had our ups and our downs

But through it all, you've stuck around

Yes, people in my life always leave

So the idea of you not, was hard to believe

But, I've finally come to see its not the same

The feelings I feel now are hard to name

All I know is you're here in my life for good

I know you're staying like you said you would

I trust you, in ways I trust no one else

Even more than I trust myself

Not to run when things get rough

But, of running, I've had enough

I accept that things are beginning to change

My whole life, I've begun to rearrange

The way I think, the things I thought I knew

And this is all because of you

I feel secure in knowing you're here to stay

And know that your friendship will last beyond today

Thank you for all that you've said and done

Thanks for never allowing me to run

I love you as a friend, I want you to know

A friendship I know will never die, only grow

  For Nick


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